Does My Wife Really Love Me After An Affair And If So How Will I Know?

Published: 10th February 2012
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Question:

My wife states that she is working to forgive me and that she still loves me, however I question if she actually is telling me the full truth simply because I canít help but see the look in her eyes and the tension in her face when sheís expressing this. I canít help but think that sheís not going to feel the same way about me again. I almost wish she'd simply be extremely honest but Iím also terrified of what she might say. How exactly does the faithful spouse really see the cheating spouse after the affair? What does my wife really think of me? Does she no longer love me?

Answer:

Most men who've had affairs and admitted to them have at least made some attempt to reconcile and work things out with their wife. Also, it's no secret that they're sorry for what they did, but even still, they need some advice on what to do and how to fix the damage their actions have caused. But probably the worst thing of all for the men who cheat is that they doubt whether or not their spouse will ever get over the affair and truly love them the same way again. Many times they worry that their spouse has lost respect for them and so they'll stop loving them and never see them the same way again.

In the following article, I will try to give you some insights on how your wife might see you (or how she might feel about you) if youíre the one who cheated.

Your Wife Still Loves You Even Though You Might Not Think It

Most men who've cheated on their wife assume that she no longer loves him after an affair. This simply isn't true. In fact, it's because your wife still loves you that her emotions towards you right now are so intense. Don't forget, you broke her trust and her world and went behind her back with someone else, so it's totally normal for her to be upset with you.

What she's really feeling is shock and disbelief. It's important to understand that everything she thought she knew in her life and about you, your integrity, your trustworthiness and your love has just been turned upside down in her world. Please understand that my saying this doesnít mean that you canít eventually earn these things back. But I'm telling you this because you need to understand that her behavior towards you right now is reaction to what you've done and it doesn't mean she doesn't still love you. But what it does mean is that they are struggling to understand how the person they thought they knew and loved could do such a thing to them. And as a result, thereís a lot of disappointment and doubt and this manifests itself in all sorts of ways.

Why Her Anger Gets Directed At You:

Have you ever said something like ďI think what my wife feels goes beyond anger. Sometimes I think she absolutely hates me since my affair.Ē It can certainly feel this way. And she may very well think she hates you.

But as I said before, those feelings that you are seeing are the direct result of how your spouse feels about the affair, not you. And itís not uncommon for them to project the shock, fury, and disappointment that they feel about the affair onto you as a person. In fact, one of the things that you and your wife need to deal with after an affair is understanding that what you feel about the affair is very different than how you feel about the person who had the affair. In other words, the act and the person are two different things and warrant two different sets of feelings. She can be angry, disappointed in, and out and out floored by the affair, but eventually these feelings should be directed toward the affair and not you.

Realize that this process will take some time to sort itself out, so try not to take any of it personally, as hard as it might be. You may get frustrated with your wife and think that things will never change or that she'll never forgive you, but you have to place yourself in her shoes at the moment and be aware that your affair is a lot to take in.

Do You Really Know How Your Wife Feels About You After The Affair

If you feel like your wife doesn't love you anymore, try putting yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you be angry and upset? Absolutely. Would you be struggling with your emotions right now? For sure. But would you stop loving your wife? Probably not. You'd be hurt that she betrayed you, but deep down you'd still love her.

So is there anything else you need to do when you feel your wife no longer loves you after you've been unfaithful? You could try expressing your concerns to her. But you need to do it in a way that doesn't look like you're throwing a pity party for yourself or trying to make her feel guilty. What you're looking for from her is guidance as to what she needs to see from you in terms of your actions and behaviors going forward.

One of the best things you can do for your wife right now is to reassure her. At the end of the day, that's what she's really looking for from you. Keep telling her that you're sorry and that you love her and that you'll do what ever it takes to make things right again.


Over time you'll be able to successfully rebuild and repair your marriage after the affair but it's going to take work - and most of it needs to come from you. However in order for your wife to move past this and make progress after an affair , she needs to deal with her emotions first before she does anything else so give her the time and space she needs. Once she's sorted everything out in her head then work on your relationship together.

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